He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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