it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
