the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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