i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
