I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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