I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
