i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
