Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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