i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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