Farmville is her only friend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
