when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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