One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
