I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
