My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
