You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
