Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
