so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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