You're so nebulous sometimes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
