so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
