i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
