I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
