Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
