I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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