The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
