I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
