I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
