but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize