Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
