he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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