Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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