May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
