Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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