jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
