well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
