Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
