: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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