Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
