I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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