it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
