I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
