I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
