You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
