My hand turned me down
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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