is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
