Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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