If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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