I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
