You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
