I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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