My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
