I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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