so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
