I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize