Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize