Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize