im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
