It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
