Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
