addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
