somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
