Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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