it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
