The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
