My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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