Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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