oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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