I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
