Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
