I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
